You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
