ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
