omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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