Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
