i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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