I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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