So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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