i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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