I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
