She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you traded sex for a burrito?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
