In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
