Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
