it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
