My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
