I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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