It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
