from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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