First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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