So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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