1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
your room smells of hookers.
And success
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
