my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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