I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
