Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize