you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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