The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We're too hungover to prance.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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