She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
