why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
