So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dick very happy bro
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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