South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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