I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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