he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
