i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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