i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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