Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
