I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
