haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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