I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
