I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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