I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Damn victory sex feels great
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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