i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
