i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
