so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
