Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
