i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Are we still banned from the library?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
