Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
