"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i now understand why vodka
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
