My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize