i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize