I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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