with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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