Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
