ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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