It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
