why didn't you poke me back
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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