I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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