why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
