If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
