I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
