someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
