i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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