It's like God shit irony all over that family
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
