you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
