WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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