I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
