So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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