I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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