Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
