did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
