but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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