At least make sure they are 18
Why
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize