I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
