Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
