On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
