i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize