i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
