no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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