I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
vagina is talking i cant
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize