haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
