he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I will be naked everywhere
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
